Esther
by Little-Delia
Summary: Oneshot drabble. My take on House's connection with the dead women in the new episode of House All In . Spoilers!


A/N: SPOILERS AHEAD! Just a warning to those of you who haven't seen the episode yet. It won't make sense unless you know what happened in "All In". I just couldn't go to bed until I finished it. I hope you enjoy.

Esther

He stared at her for a minute. She was dead. Many times he had seen people die , but this was different. This time it was his fault. This time he'd caused it. Because of him Esther would never hold her grandchildren again. Esther would never smile her cheery smile at anyone ever again. Esther would never be Esther ever ever again. People sometimes said that people only die when it's their time to go. In his eyes that was a bunch of bullshit. Especially when it came to a death that could've been prevented. He could've prevented it.

For some reason her death did something to him. Something that wouldn't go away. He couldn't put his finger on it. He hated the fact that he couldn't figure it out. Patients died all the time , but it was always when there was no hope left. With Esther the hope was still there. For some reason death didn't fit with what had happened . It was like she was lingering around him, refusing to leave him to his misery. He immediately shook this thought from his head. He didn't believe in ghosts and life after death. When people died they were gone for good. Period.

Then why did he feel this way? Why did he feel this connection? He never got to know Esther. He hadn't really talked to her before she died. Yet he felt this strong bond that refused to leave. Was it because he'd screwed up? Was it guilt? Not knowing the answer was tearing him up inside. It bothered him to the point where he wanted to bore the feelings out. Not just because he'd misdiagnosed her , but because he didn't know why he still cared.

He didn't take his eyes off of the elderly woman , as he took his seat at the end of her bed. Her face was peaceful , quiet and wise. Even in death she seemed alive. Even as the grey hand of death began to creep into her skin , she would always look alive. Right then he swore he would never forget her face in that moment. The delicate way in which she laid still , as if in a peaceful sleep. It was as if any moment she'd wake up and say

'Just kidding.' But House knew that it would not happen. No matter how hard he wished it would.

For some reason unknown , he took her hand in his. It was cold and frail , but he held on anyway. He hated patients. He would avoid them at any cost , but Esther was different. Esther , in death , had done something that no living person could do. She'd given him something to promise.

He turned the little hand over in his palm and closed his fingers around it. " I'm sorry. I screwed up. I was your doctor. You depended on me and I failed you."

He knew that Esther couldn't answer , but that didn't stop him from continuing. " I don't know why I feel this connection with you. I never even knew you. But I will find some way to help you. One day I will figure out what did this to you."

He gently placed her hand back down at her side and walked out. He closed the sliding glass door behind him and looked back. He saw his reflection staring back at him. His normally slick brown hair was matted from lack of sleep. He'd been awake for twenty-four hours. The shadows under his eyelids illuminated his eyes to an almost ominous shade of blue. This was the face of a failure.

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He stared through the glass doors at the six year old boy. His face was now aged and worn from twenty years of being a doctor. His hair was now thinning. Yet he felt younger than he had in a long time. It seemed like only yesterday that he'd stared through doors like this , at the body of his dead patient. His heart leapt slightly as he saw the mother embrace her little son and the father smile. They now had a future with their son. One day little Ian would grow up , go to college and have a family of his own. In all that time he would probably forget that his life had been saved. Not by an over obsessed doctor who refused to let him go , but by a little old lady who died years before.

Esther could now rest in peace. He'd found out what had killed her. Now he had fulfilled his promise. She could find justice. More importantly he could let her go. As if someone had lifted a sack of flour off his shoulders , he felt a weight float away. In all those years he'd gotten accustomed to having that weight on his shoulders. It made him the obsessive doctor he was. Now for the first time in a dozen years he could do something he'd looked forward to so many times. Slowly he limped to his office and sat in one of the board room chairs. The green file was still there. Opening it he turned to the final page that contained the cause of death. Scanning down the page he took a pen out of his pocket. Across the page he wrote ' SOLVED ! '

" That was for you Esther."

The End

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A/N: I just had to write this oneshot. It's short but I think it was ok. I just couldn't go to bed until I finished it. Review if you want.


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